I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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