i just google imaged poop.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
