what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
