So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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