I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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