Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
