She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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