i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just sharted jello shots
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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