the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
