I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
