My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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