Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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