Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
