my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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