Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
