I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
