My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
