I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
