Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
