hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
