he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
