i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry about my life...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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