We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
