i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
