I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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