Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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