i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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