omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
