I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize