I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
