he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am midnight drunk by noon
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
