Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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