remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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