Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Randomize