Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
