watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
