Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
