The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
