how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
