Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
