Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
