the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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