So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize