We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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