if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
