i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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