what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
