Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
