You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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