Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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