He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
