Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
