Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
