i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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