are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
