So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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