we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
