I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need a beard to bite.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
