New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
