You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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