there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I look better un-naked...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
