so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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