Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
