All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
