Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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