Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
