When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
