i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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