Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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