Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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