Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My vagina is officially offended.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
