3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
