You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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