So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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