i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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