yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
