Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize