I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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