Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
40s are totally the cure
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
