Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
